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Sweet Surrender

Whitaker Maternity-6035_blogSugarbee Photography

I have not been a pleasant person to be around this past week. Just ask Scott.

Yesterday I was throwing a particularly impressive pity party, as I heaved a heavy sigh and plopped myself down on the couch.

“You know, your anxiety isn’t helping this labor thing along, Kathryn,” Scott said.

Oh my stars. He did not just say that.

But you know what? He was right. I may have stuck my tongue out at him and announced, “I think I’m going to go take a nap.” And I waddled my sorry self off to the bedroom. Two hours (yes TWO!) later I woke up and glanced at the clock. 4:35. And then I remembered.

Vespers at the Dominicans Sisters began at 5. I changed clothes, walked into the kitchen and gave Scott a hug and thanked him. I desperately needed that time alone. He just smiled, because he’s smart like that. Off I bounded to Vespers while he headed to the grocery store.

As I sat in the chapel and heard those sweet voices, listened to those prayers, recited the rosary and sat in the presence of Jesus, all those things that I had been storing in my anxious heart started to slip away. “Be not afraid,” the Sisters sang. “Be not afraid” I could hear St. John Paul II echoing from the recesses of my memory. I first heard those words at World Youth Day in Toronto and today they came back to me.

There is still anxiety there because, you know, the uncertainty of labor. But today reminded me that if God has carried me this far, He isn’t just going to drop me off at the train depot station and holler out a “good luck, girl!”

Tonight a sweet friend from college lost her baby boy. He was only four months old. Last week, Beth had to say goodbye to her precious daughter. And, I wondered. How grateful am I being? How do I want to end this pregnancy? With joy and gratitude or heavy sighing and eye rolling? I don’t want the end of this beautiful 40 weeks to go down the toilet in the final days.

Today, I’m choosing joy. Tomorrow? I’ll take some Tums and then choose joy. And the next day I might just drink a Dr Pepper and then choose joy.

All those sweet prayer requests you sent me are now prominently on my bedside nightstand and in my moments of frustration and anxiety, I choose another one to lift up in prayer. So, thank you. Thank you for lifting up a nearly 40-week grumpy pregnant woman and then setting her down on her knees.

Your move, Baby Whitaker.

10 Comments

  1. Beth (A Mom's Life) on April 28, 2014 at 7:02 am

    Praying for you as you enter the homestretch! You (and God!) got this!

  2. Colleen Martin on April 28, 2014 at 7:23 am

    Kathryn, you’re doing awesome! The end is so tough, and I had a friend who lost her baby while I was pregnant, and between her loss and what Beth was going through, I was mostly able to cut my complaining to a minimum. I had tons of anxiety about the labor (it was my 3rd natural one) and even though I don’t think anxiety is a good thing, it definitely made labor seem a little easier when it actually happened. All the worrying made me fear the worst, and since it wasn’t the worst, it seemed great (after it was done!). As you know, the goal is a healthy baby and mom, so no matter what you need to do or take in order to achieve that is all good. I hope for your sake you can try to go naturally, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself asking for drugs…I do it every time! Luckily my midwife just ignores me 🙂

  3. Rita @ Open Window on April 28, 2014 at 8:20 am

    You and your baby are in my prayers! I can’t even imagine how eager you are to meet your littlest one, and how excited the big sibs are to meet the new baby too!

  4. Verdina on April 28, 2014 at 8:22 am

    Can’t imagine what you are going through, but continuing to pray for you and the new Baby Whitaker!

  5. Rozella on April 28, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Kathryn, you are in my thoughts and prayers as you and the baby head down the home stretch (pun intended). May your delivery be as uneventful as your wonderful pregnancy. Many blessings.

  6. Bea on April 28, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Choose joy.

    A favorite motto.

    And savor those last days of a sweet baby growing inside you. I know it’s not the sweet 20 weeks feeling as you can’t breathe, are getting kicked in all sorts of places and the heartburn is killer. But…this won’t last forever. You soon will have that baby in your arms and gone will be the hiccups, the acrobatics, the sweet reassurance you get when you feel movement or catch your reflection. Savor it.

    Especially as 40 week olds don’t have tantrums and run amuck like almost three year olds do.

    It’ll pass in the blink of an eye.

  7. Elise on April 28, 2014 at 9:35 am

    Praying for you, Kathryn!

  8. Connie on April 28, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    Praying for you & Scott & our new baby. Know that God is in control – not me wishing for Ninnie’s b-day 🙂
    Love Team Whitaker

  9. Laura M on April 28, 2014 at 3:53 pm

    Add one more prayer request to your list:
    My co-worker Cody had a bone marrow transplant a few weeks ago as a last attempt to cure her leukemia. She has not been doing very well. Much of last week she was in critical condition and she finally stabilized Sunday, but is still unconscious. Please keep her and her family and friends in your prayers.

  10. Joel on April 28, 2014 at 6:22 pm

    Good golly, it’s time! Praying for a safe (and soon) delivery.

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