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A Letter to My Unborn Baby

Sometimes words need to be written. Thoughts need to be shared. Love needs to grow.

That’s what you get today.

Time is ticking by and before I know it, I’ll be 39 weeks. These words have been percolating in my brain for months and before I go into full-on labor, I’m sharing them with you.

A letter to my unborn baby

Photo courtesy of Sugarbee Photography (yes, that’s my belly!)

Dear Baby Whitaker,

After your brother, Luke, was born people often asked us (and by often, I mean like at least once a week) if we were having any more children. I’ve always found that question to be 1) intensely personal and 2) incredibly difficult to answer. You see, I’m not sure I will ever feel “done” by society’s standards. I suppose my best answer to that question has always been, “You’re asking the wrong person.” God has always been in control, but relinquishing it has sometimes been hard.

With you, for example.

Your brother and his prematurity journey was tough. Good and awesome and hope-filled, but also third-ring-of-hellish. It took a long time for my heart to heal after all of that. It took an even longer time to be at peace with adding more children to our family. The world kept saying ‘no, don’t do it.’ Friends and family couldn’t understand why we would take the gamble again. Comments on social media reminded me that large families are viewed as antiquated, things to avoid and something only weird religious freaks did. But, after a nine-day novena and some serious knee time, the pregnancy test came back positive.

I cried my eyes out, not in fear, but out of love. This entire nine months has quite possibly been the happiest nine months of my life. Okay, there were a few days in there when I went into nesting crazy, a few moments of not being able to breathe that were slightly uncomfortable and the heartburn. Oh, the heartburn. But amidst the tile grout cleaning, the not-so-deep breaths and four bottles of Tums (true story), I have felt God’s presence at every turn. Every doctor visit. Every baby kick. Every quick glance in the mirror at my growing belly. The peace that has transcended this pregnancy is something I’ve never experienced before.

Isn’t that crazy?

The even crazier part is my brain still has not officially computed that we are having a baby. Each time I catch a profile of myself in the mirror and see that belly, I smile and want to break out in dance. Which, of course, at this point would be hugely embarrassing for all of mankind. But, it is just so freaking awesome that God looked at our family and said, “Yes, let’s give them another baby.” I mean, seriously. Give the other girls diamonds and trips to Paris and McMansions. Me? I’m perfectly at peace with another life to love.

I’ve spent the better part of 4.5 years being pregnant and another 5 years nursing. Almost a decade has been spent growing and physically nurturing life.┬áSome people shake their head in disbelief at those numbers, I just smile.

You see, we prayed for you for such a long time. SUCH a long time. We asked St. Therese of Lisieux for her intercession, I asked Mary for strength and I relied on God for my peace and state of mind. There was the amniotic fluid scare at 36 weeks and I felt myself going back to the dark place, but it was momentary.

And now, as I sit at my computer screen having on and off contractions I wonder what life will be like with you. I wonder if you’ll be sporting pink or blue, if you’ll keep me up at all hours of the night for months and if you’ll be an easy delivery. But, mostly I am in awe that in a few days we will look back on this life we are living and wonder how we ever lived it without you.

Baby Whitaker, thank you for being such an incredible blessing to our family. Someday I’ll tell you about how excited your brothers and sisters have been about your arrival. Luke wants to know how many more minutes until he gets to kiss you, Clare wants to know how you come out (um, we’ll chat about that later), Anna-Laura is curious about your name (she has the perfect one picked out), John Paul keeps asking what a contraction is and Will? He just wants to know if you’ll be taking over his room or not.

You see. You’ll fit right into the crazy. We’re praying for you and can’t wait to smother you with kisses. And lots of ’em. So buckle up, buttercup. You’re about to make us the great eight!

Love,

Mom

14 Comments

  1. Kimberly on April 21, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Can’t wait to share the joy with you!

  2. A.J. on April 21, 2014 at 10:28 pm

    beautiful! thanks for the journey. prayers doubling at this time for you and all.

  3. Laura on April 21, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    This is so beautiful…..
    Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

  4. Kirstin Fellars on April 21, 2014 at 11:07 pm

    I can’t wait for Little Whitaker to come! I have been anxious and so excited for you all. Babies and big families are the best. Your little one hit the jackpot of love and commitment in coming to your family. Thoughts and prayers are being happily sent your way! Kirstin

  5. Dianna on April 21, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    I’m hugging my sweet baby D as I read this, and just smiling.

    You are an amazing example of saying yes to life ….. loud and proud.

    Love you, my fellow soon to be momma of six. You will rock this. I’m glad to have you as a sister in this crazy sorority of sorts.

  6. Verdina on April 21, 2014 at 11:21 pm

    Oh, Kathryn, your ability to put your feelings into words always amazes me! Can’t wait to meet the new Whitaker.
    God bless you!
    V

  7. Nicole on April 22, 2014 at 6:29 am

    Absolutely beautiful post, K. This child is so blessed – as is your family! God has great big plans for you all!

  8. Catherine Boucher on April 22, 2014 at 7:32 am

    Beautiful! Continued prayers for you and Baby Whitaker!

  9. Laurie on April 22, 2014 at 9:54 am

    The love and happiness has been written all over you! Your sweet words will echo throughout BW’s life. S/he is one lucky baby to be born a Whitaker!

  10. Gina on April 22, 2014 at 11:34 am

    I LOVE reading your blog! Love this letter! So well put! Thinking of you and praying that all goes well. Hugs!

  11. Lisa on April 22, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    We are so excited to meet the newest member of Team Whitaker. What a blessing he/she already is! Not sure how Scott is going to schedule an Aggie game for you and each of the 6 kids. He’ll have to hit some road games! Praying for a great delivery and quick homecoming. Hugs to All, Lisa & David B.

  12. Sarah on April 22, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    This is so so sweet. Thanks for sharing with us, Kathryn.

  13. […] very ready to kiss on those sweet baby cheeks. 39 weeks, 2 days today. Your move,┬áBaby Whitaker. I did write that cutie a love letter earlier this week. That sure was […]

  14. [email protected] on May 5, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    Oh you got the waterworks going on this one Kathryn. What a beautiful letter.

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