Forecasts are a funny thing, aren’t they?  Weatherman predicts rain and we grab our umbrellas.  Sports announcers predict the Aggies will win and we get our hopes up (maybe).  Whatever the forecast, we prepare ourselves for the probable outcome.

This weekend, I went to Mass for the first time since before Luke was born.  If you’re counting that’s about two months.  Now, I was able to attend a couple of daily Masses at Dell Children’s and we had a sweet friend bring us communion each weekend.  But still.

Anna-Laura and I ventured up to church on Saturday evening and I caught myself looking down the pew, imagining our growing family taking up nearly the whole thing…someday.  Luke is still in quarantine, but we’re hoping in the next month he will make his Mass debut.  Amazingly, I didn’t tear up, I just smiled.  The homily was lovely, Deacon David spoke about forecasts 🙂  And, the music was inspiring.  I was doing pretty well and Anna-Laura was well on her way to earning an A+ for her behavior.  Then we started to make our way up to communion and I darn near lost it.  I was literally biting my lip.  Surely the congregation would’ve wondering what was up with the crazy, sobbing lady on pew three if I had.

Perhaps it was the humbling realization that God has been with us all along, but it had been a long while since I had experienced his grace through the Eucharist, surrounded by community.  Perhaps it was because, with only one child to watch over, I had actually heard all the readings and the homily.  Perhaps it was the pregnant Eucharistic minister who offered communion.  Or, perhaps, it was a God moment when He reached my soul.  All in all, Mass just wasn’t what I forecasted it would be.  I didn’t just sail through the liturgy and come home inspired.

I actually think I came home with more questions than answers.

But, there was one thing that Deacon David mentioned that really touched me.  This whole forecast thing got me thinking.

If I had known my fifth pregnancy would be so rocky would we have tried for another?
If I knew the 20-week ultrasound would bring about a torrent of emotions would I have enjoyed those initial kicks, belly growing and maternity clothes shopping?
If we knew that Luke would develop NEC would I have dreaded his delivery, agonized over every feeding or felt guarded joy when I laid my eyes upon him for the first time?

We always say (myself is totally included here)…”Oh, if only God had given me a heads up on this one.”  Or, “Man, if I’d only known, I might’ve…”  This experience with Luke has taught me that ignorance is bliss.

We don’t want to know when a loved one will meet Jesus.  If we’ll lose our job.  Get cancer.  Or lose a child.  That ‘knowing’ robs us of joy and faith.  And a whole lot of it.

Luke’s most important lesson (and the one I was reminded of at Mass this weekend) is simple.  Live in the present.  Worry gets you nowhere.  God will get you through it if you let Him.  You will be stronger for having lived through the experience.

As a sweet mom reminded me recently…life experience doesn’t define you.  It REdefines you.

5 Comments

  1. Verdina Louisa on November 17, 2009 at 11:05 am

    Amen! I do hope you will publish this in book form one day. You definitely have the ability to touch people and, maybe, help them to realize their own feelings, emotions, faith. God bless you and your family!

  2. Merrianne on November 17, 2009 at 11:32 am

    I was just thinking the same thing. I feel so fortunate and have learned so much about prayer & faith from your journey. You have a gift for writing; thanks so much for sharing it. May God always Bless you & your family!

  3. Nicole on November 17, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Oh Kathryn… What a beautiful post. While we've never experienced anything like what you are going through – our many struggles – particularly in building our family – can help me relate to what you've written here… I am SO glad that our Great Big God knows all things – and has the strength to see us through… Sending a big hug from Indiana!

  4. Lauren and Steven on November 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    Trust in him at all times, O People; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8 NIV

    God Bless you, scott and your little ones. We love you and thing of you often.

  5. Makenna on November 17, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    You are amazing…it's as simple as that!

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