As much as I love social media, it may be the death of me.
These last few weeks it seems like I can’t get out of my own funk. You know, the one where everyone else is “living the life” and you’re sweeping up Cheerios and folding laundry, running errands and putting screaming kids in timeout? Yeah, that life. Facebook tells me that everyone under the sun is living the life, Instagram shows me, Twitter tweets out the link, FourSquare shows me where and Pinterest adds words to the photo and makes it all pretty.
It is so hard to be comfortable in your own skin. To rejoice in other people’s accomplishments. To admire, not fester jealousy. To praise, not secretly criticize. We are human, I know. But still. I’m working hard to be joyful, in all things. But these two-hour school delays and cancellations are killing me, y’all.
Just yesterday morning, I woke up in a ba-ad mood. Which, of course, manifested into a rough morning with the kids. Yes, they were willing bad attitude participants, but I certainly didn’t do much to help the cause for joy. Scott gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, “Keep them alive until I get home.” I usually chuckle when he says that, because it immediately changes my tune. But on this day, I found that it just made me more frustrated with myself.
It’s funny (or providential) but two weeks ago I spent nearly an hour in adoration (Catholic speak for prayer time in front of the Blessed Sacrament/Jesus) in a local church’s chapel. I’ve heard people say it before but this is the first time it’s seemed real. When I spend time with God, the Devil ramps up the self-doubt, the nagging, the jealousy, the discontent. And to be honest, I’m damn sick of it. The attacks, not God 🙂
Then, this afternoon, I managed to snag a coveted vanilla Dr Pepper from Sonic. Oh, caffeine, how I love thee. As I sat at my computer, banging out some client work, my thoughts drifted back to replay my day and the last few weeks.
And I was embarrassed. Ashamed. Defeated.
Then I heard the *ding* of my phone.
The most beautiful email crossed through the interwebs and I began to cry. It was totally the pregnancy hormones. Yes, definitely those. I read these words probably 34 times. Or, something like that.
…you make me want to be a better mom, a kinder person, and a better Catholic.
A complete stranger reminded me that we all struggle, but goodness lies inside all of us. As my good imaginary wizard, Sirius Black reminds me: “We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”
Perhaps it’s time to bask in the light and to remember who I really am. Who God made me to be. A joyful mom, wife and friend who sometimes has really crappy days, but in the end, a woman who chooses light.