There was a day – a few in fact – when I wondered if we would ever feel joy again. Folks, there were some dark days. Really dark. People have commented about our strength, but the blog affords me to only tell you what I want. Some of what we experienced we hold in our hearts and that’s where it will stay. While the blog has been, and is, more therapeutic than I ever imagined, some things are best shared with your marriage therapist and your husband. Right, Scott? What I know, though, is that when we tasted joy, it was so sweet.
The moment we found out I was pregnant with Luke – pure joy.
The words uttered by my amazing OB during delivery, “It’s a BOY!” – pure joy.
Hearing evidence that Luke’s lungs worked, quite well, I might add – pure joy.
When he latched on for the first time at just four days old and nursed for a whole seven minutes – pure joy.
When I was able to hold him for the first time after his surgery – all five of them – pure joy.
When we arrived home on the Eve of All Saints Day (Halloween to the rest of the world) – PURE JOY.
When we took our first family picture…in our backyard…with Luke safely tucked in my arms – pure joy. Can’t you see how big those smiles are?
Seeing him held by his wonderful Godparents – pure joy.
Watching his siblings love all over him – pure joy.
The night he first slept through the night – hallelujah JOY!
The joy hasn’t come easy, though. We still have moments of fear, of hope and ultimately, of joy. Scott has commented on more than one occasion that he’s seen me shed more tears in the last 18 months than in our entire 14 years of marriage. It’s as if our souls and our faith have been stretched to the limit. Muscles pulled. Bones nearly broken. The wind knocked out of us so many times.
After having four healthy babies, all of whom have developed normally, gained weight steadily and aside from the show-stopping tantrums, never given me much cause for worry, the journey with Luke has made me appreciate just where to find joy. What Scott and I used to see as mundane or briefly acknowledged, with Luke we nod and share the joy. We know what could’ve been – what almost was. Yet, here we are just three short days away from his first birthday and I am in awe.
The joy that Luke has brought to our family, to our marriage and to me as a mother is quite indescribable. That kid is totally destined to be a momma’s boy.
Tomorrow…the journey. Later today…your top ten!