Luke’s journey continues tomorrow and it’s a biggie. A while back, a friend of ours sent her son into surgery for a cleft palate. She remarked one day how the comment from an acquaintance really bothered her. Following his surgery, the woman said to her, “Oh, he looks so much better!” Angela’s reply was, “I thought he was just as beautiful before the surgery.”
I suppose that’s a little how I feel about tomorrow’s surgery. Excitement in that this surgery marks progress. Progress toward a normal digestive system that will allow Luke to operate, on the inside, just like everyone else. But there’s also sadness that the Luke I know changes a bit tomorrow. For all but 9 days of his sweet little life, he’s had this ostomy and tomorrow it goes away. Forever. It’s funny how something that bugs the ever living dog out of us one day, makes us sad all in the same breath. I actually teared up a little yesterday when I changed his ostomy bag. Weird. I totally need counseling 🙂
This past week I’d be lying if I told you that I haven’t obsessed and worried – way too much – about tomorrow’s surgery. I’d be lying if I told you that my greatest fear is giving him to the surgeon and not getting him back. I’d be lying. But on Tuesday night, Scott and I had a long chat. You know the kind where you actually have a real conversation? Yeah, we haven’t had too many of those lately. It’s been survival mode around these parts. In that hour, we shared some raw emotions and it was good for both of us.
Scott is man of faith. He sees the world as it is. Some things we can control, others we can’t. And he’s smart enough to know, and be okay with, the difference. Me? Notsomuch. I go between total trust and total freak out. But, when the moment counts, I have peace. In my mind, I think I have to go through every possible scenario in my head and then I’m ok when the event actually takes place. Clearly I have some control issues. I’ve been arm wrestling with God for quite sometime, but he always seems to win. I’m a slow learner, eh?
God has given me some “moments” this week to feel peace. I’ve been paying attention, He just knew I needed more than one lesson…
– At Mass on Sunday, the communion song was from my brother’s wedding. With tears in the eyes, I just stared at the crucifix and felt tremendous peace as I heard “How Beautiful.” Wow.
– A friend from our former parish agreed to sign on to be Luke’s anesthesiologist tomorrow. A familiar face sometimes takes the fear away. We are incredibly blessed to have so many smart friends in the medical profession 🙂
– In a blog post from a friend, I read these wise words, “If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?” Yeah, that one was square between the eyes.
– Two hospital visits to see brand new babies this week allowed me to see what normal looks like. It’s good stuff.
– The girls’ Christmas pageant this morning reminded me that Mary was quick to trust in God when the angel Gabriel appeared to her. I too, should be that quick to trust God with our most precious gift.
– As Fr. James performed the Annointing of the Sick Sacrament upon Luke this morning, time stood still for just a moment. Luke’s wide eyes as we prayed, the confident voice of the priest, the smell of Christmas in the air…it was all the presence of the Holy Spirit. And it was awesome.
– This evening, I heard a knock at the door and when we opened it, four of the sweetest Dominican Sister singing voices echoed in our hallway. Holy cow, Lord.
So, yes, I am at peace. I’m still a worried mom, but I am at peace.
For these things I know.
Luke is in the hands of a very skilled surgeon, Dr. Meyer.
He has an amazingly talented anesthesiologist, Dr. Klein.
He is gaining weight so wonderfully, over an ounce a day, and weighs (as of Monday), 7lbs. 7oz.
He is happy, smiling, cooing and developmentally on track.
He is a fighter.
He has half of North America plus some, praying for him tomorrow.
His family loves him – so much.
Thanks for dusting off your knees and praying for our family once more. Luke’s surgery begins at 1pm and will likely last 2-3 hours. We anticipate his hospital stay at around a week, perhaps longer. The grandparentals are on duty this weekend, Scott will be on tap next week and I will take up residence at Dell until Luke comes back home.
God bless YOU for lifting us, and our intentions, up to the Lord.
St. Luke, pray for us.
St. Catherine, pray for us.