Repeat after me…”one day at a time, one day at a time.”
Rounds went great, feedings were upped again by 6cc, so we’re now at 18cc every 3 hours. If…IF…Luke can keep this pace up we might be less one PICC line next week. And, the surgeon report was an “awesome” by Dr. Meyer. Can’t get better than that. Dr. Pont even said, “If Luke keeps this up, we’re going to run out of reasons to keep him here.” I told her that I wasn’t willing to even dream about next week until next week. Hmm, a little pre-cursor to the rest of our day.
Scott and I enjoyed a quick lunch away and upon my return, I asked the nurse to page Dr. Pont. We had been waiting on Luke’s MRI report all morning and I was curious about the final report.
Dr. Pont knocked on the door and asked if she borrow a chair so we could visit. Um, my Mom brain wanted to scream out, “Hell no. Because good news does not need a chair. Good news is just a quick knock at the door and a thumbs up.” But, I let her sit anyway because I like her so much 🙂
She went on to share that Luke’s “bump” on the back of his head is a collection of fluid, likely blood, and could possibly be bilateral cysts (cysts on both sides of the brain). She and I discussed the treatment options and how they might affect Luke’s stay in the NICU. We paged the neurosurgeon – the infamous, endearing and personable Dr. George – and waited. Good news is that Luke’s brain is intact (good thing, because mine is not) and the cyst is either part of the bone that has yet to be fused or part of the membrane that covers the brain. In Dr. George’s words he’s not ‘freaked out.’ I reassured him that I was. So again, we watch and wait to see what this bump is going to do. We will likely repeat an MRI in 3-4 weeks and reasses if it needs surgery.
Looks like we have something else to pray away.
I’ll freely admit, after Dr. Pont left and I was waiting on Dr. George, I got really t-ed off at God. In fact, I even told him so. Several times. Oh, and you know I cried. A lot. Seriously God? Another major organ? In case you haven’t heard we are full up – FULL UP – on crazy. At last count we’re seeing six specialists – neurosurgeon, pediatric surgeon, cardiologist, nephrologist, neonatologist and urologist. Me thinks that’s too many. Can I get a show of hands from those that feel the same?
And then, I looked over at Luke, sleeping soundly. The nurse came in, gave me a hug while I changed his diaper, we warmed up the milk and he ate like a champ. Then, the best part of my day slowly crept in…he fell asleep on my chest. And the two of us just chilled.
I had to wonder…
If I hold you long enough, Luke, can I love the challenges away? If I kiss you one more time, tell you I love you one more time, offer up one more prayer, shed one more tear – will that be enough?
Tonight, while Scott and Granny tended to the other four lights of our lives, I went back to the hospital and put Luke to bed. In the stillness of that room, I called Scott and we prayed for Luke’s healing. We prayed for strength. Lord, this road is hard and I sometimes wish you would’ve chosen someone else to walk it. I could write a book (who knows, maybe someday I will!) on the roller coaster of emotions this experience has evoked.
There is no turning back, no do over, no pity party, no someone else’s child. Luke Timothy, even if every organ required a specialist, we would love you the same. For this I know. We are in love and we will get you home. I promise you that.